And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
