There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
