OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize