I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
