Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
