I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
