I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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