No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
