Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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