Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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