let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
