I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
