final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
