i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
