I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
