its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
