Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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