weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
