I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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