my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
