Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
