I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
