My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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