Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
