he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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