he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
