You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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