My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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