he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
