so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
