My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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