sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
