Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize