Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
