theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
