And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
