This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
