Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
