my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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