i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
