i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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