Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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