Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

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(845): View more from New York

Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.

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(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(915): View more from Texas

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): View more from Texas

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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(970): View more from Colorado

ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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(336): View more from North Carolina

okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

(1-505): View more from New Mexico

So when can I meet her?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.

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