Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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