there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
