How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
