Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
