u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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