I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize