I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize