Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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