ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
