Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
