if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize