that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize