I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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