I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize