I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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