GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
