Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
