Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
