I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
