I want to make a zoo with you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
