the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
