fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
