No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
