My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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