I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
