my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
