I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i will never coherently bang her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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