You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
